One of my favorite movies is "Must Love Dogs" with Diane Lane and John Cusack. I love the line towards the end when Sarah (Lane) confesses to Jake (Cusack) that she owes him her story. She admits to being afraid to share her whole self. I realized I needed to share my story and how I became the mother I am and why Intuitive Mothers Circle is so important to me. While it may take me many blog posts to share my story, I believe our stories; our experiences in our life are important and they bring us to where we need to be in this life, helping us find our true purpose. I truly believe my purpose is to empower mothers to trust themselves and their powerful intuition.
But let's start at the beginning...I grew up in Northern California in what would seem like a regular middle class family of four. It was my father, my mother, my sister (8 years older and we have different fathers) and I. From a young age, I have been intuitive. When you are highly intuitive as a young child it can be challenging to understand your feelings. I grew up with an alcoholic father who has been abusive to my older sister starting at a young age. While it was clear that he often had various inappropriate behaviors, it was never acknowledged. This was a secret that was kept among my family and it was also kept from me. However, I always knew what was going on among my family even though I often felt hushed when I tried to express my feelings. I often felt there was this expectation to act like I was unaware of what was going on around me. I was often left alone, to play alone, creating and fantasizing special worlds around me while wishing to be closer to my sister, wishing to be heard by my mother, wishing to not be afraid of my father. Wishing to not pretend that all was ok around me.
I spent most of my young life dealing with confusing feelings, always knowing that there was this darkness that lingered in our home, this secret that was being kept. I often felt like my sister didn’t like me and I couldn’t understand why, also knowing that my sister hated my father and while I intuitively knew why, it was never discussed. Anytime I felt like I tried to express my emotions, I felt unheard. I often felt like a bright light that was forced to be dim.
Eventually my sister moved out of the house and then my parents separated. Shortly after my mother and I moved into an apartment, my father was shot and killed after a dramatic car chase. I was ten years old but I knew that he had died before my mother received the call and told me. I remember feeling the loss inside me. My father's death, while tragic, changed the course of my life. At the age of ten, I knew that my father's death would become a blessing for my life ahead....